With a raft of major newspapers out there, it's difficult to determine just which one is the right one for you.  In this concise summary, we outline exactly the appropriate readership for each one.

The Wall Street Journal is read by people who really run the country.

The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country.

USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country, but don't really understand The New York Times.

The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if only they could find the time.

The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country -- and did a far superior job of it, thank you.

The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't sure who runs the country; and really don't care, as long as they get a seat on the subway.

The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's runs the country, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

The Miami Herald is read by people running some other countries, but who like to see the baseball scores.

The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if anyone runs the country; but they oppose all that they stand for, anyway -- unless the leaders are handicapped feminist dwarves who are also people of color and illegal aliens (provided they aren't Republicans).

The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store, who believe the country is run by little green men from Venus.

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Edited and adapted from an anonymous email forwarded
by the indubitably inexculpable Terry G.