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The Official Smart-Ass Yankee Test

We're told that Yankees have a tendency to be know-it-alls, which rather annoys some of their Southern brethren... whence comes a challenge to any smart-ass Yankee to pass this exam developed by the University of Arkansas Engineering Department. 

You get five points for every correct answer. The total?  That would be your Arkansas IQ...

(Editors Note: Not to be confused with the Official Smart-Ass Redneck Test)

1.
Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a ten-pound possum.

2.
When placed on blocks in the front yard, which of these cars will rust out the quickest:  a '65 Ford Fairlane, a '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or a '64 Pontiac GTO.

3.
If your uncle builds a still which operates at a production capacity of 20 gallons of 'shine per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the finished product?

4.
A woodcutter uses a chainsaw operating at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 trees per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many cases of Budweiser will be consumed before all of the trees are cut down?

5.
If every junked refrigerator in the state vented its charge of R-12 refrigerant simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease In the ozone layer?

6.
A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a fieldstone foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch Length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough-sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7.
A man owns a house on 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with a slope of 15%. He has five grown children, two of whom aren't "quite right". Can each of his children place a mobile home on the land, while still having room for all their appliances to sit out on the front porch?

8.
A two-ton truck is overloaded and proceeds 900 yards down a steeply sloped country road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that the truck will strike a vehicle with a working muffler?

9.
A coal mine operates an NFPA Class 1 Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A warning for a potential gas explosion is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during that shift?

10.
At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how many years will it take for a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

 

 

[ Back to Humor & Ethics Index ]

Edited and adapted from an anonymous email forwarded
by the implacably infrangible Terry G.

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