FFFast:
Uh, forgive me for this, but a being of such small stature [Gubosh is grossly rotund, but a mere 18 inches long. – Ed.] such as yourself – I find it hard to believe that you could overcome a creature that can weigh thousands of pounds…

Gubosh:
Globbleglobble [laughter]. Globbleglobbleglobble [maniacal laughter].

At this point, Gubosh lifts a flaccid hind-limb slightly, and with a sound like a trombone, emits clouds of viscous blue gas. -Ed.

FFFast:
Ack! [cough] Stop that! [cough-cough-cough] Gads! Point made, I see now how you do it. What on earth have you been eating? The question remains, though – why? What possible reason could you have for mutilating livestock?

Gubosh:
Hormel chili with beans. We love the stuff! As for the cattle thing, it’s rather intimate.

FFFast:
This isn’t another sex thing, is it?

Gubosh:
Well, that’s a stupid question. Of course it is.

FFFast:
This may be a purely human prejudice – but sex with a cow? I find that highly distasteful. And what’s the mutilation about?

Gubosh:
Hey, you try being locked in a spaceship with a bunch of other guys for a couple of centuries, see what looks good to you when you get out. Actually, cows look almost exactly like our women – well, once we modify them a bit, anyway. Why are you humans all so hung up on sex? Besides, you’ve gotten insulting. It’s an exhilarating experience, but now I don’t want to talk about this. Ask me something else.

[ Next Page ]

[ Return to Interviews Index ]