Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

This question has plagued philosophers, writers, doctors, clergy, scientists, business leaders, and, yes, even politicians, for centuries.  Below, we present some of their opinions, thoughts, and comments.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BILL GATES:
I have just released Chicken Explorer XP. It not only crosses roads, but also lays eggs, files your important documents, and balances your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of Chicken Explorer XP, of course.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain. Horribly.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I have a dream. I have a dream of a world.  I have a dream of a world where all chickens, everywhere, will freely cross roads, without fear in their chicken hearts.

GRAMPA:
In my day, we didn't ask. Someone told us the chicken crossed the road.  That was good enough for us, by golly, and it should be good enough for you, too.

JEAN-PAUL SARTRE:
In order to act in good conscience and be true to its inner chicken-self, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth right in front of you? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it: the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you, too, will become gay.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX:
It was an historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were fully justified to drop 50 tons of nerve gas on the chicken. Or we would be if we had weapons of mass destruction. Which we do not have.

RONALD REAGAN:
Chicken? What's a chicken?

FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross roads before you believe?

SIGMUND FREUD:
The fact that you are so concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals a deep and troubling sexual insecurity.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? This is one of the Great Questions that modern science seeks to answer.

BILL CLINTON:
What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please? By my definition, I never had sex with that chicken.

PAT BUCHANAN:
It's a Mexican chicken. And it crossed that road to steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON:
The chicken did not cross the road. The road was transcended by the chicken.

IMMANUEL KANT:
The chicken was acting out of a sense of duty to cross the road, as chickens have traditionally crossed roads throughout history.

THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing and begetting.

FRANK PERDUE:
You mean -- I missed one?

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